Tattoo Removal Docs Barely Keep Up!

Newer Tats are in Braille, on Eyes and Even Used on
Fingers to Create Instant Moustaches

Many plastic, cosmetic and dermatological surgeons offer tattoo removal for those times when people regret ever getting the body art in the first place. (READ: Grew up and got a job!)



Laser tattoo removal. It usually requires three to five or more
appointments to completely vaporize the tattoo ink.

If you’re in the market, read more about tattoo removal. (HINT: You’ll burn far more time and money taking it off than that mad, crazy moment back in the day when you first got it!)

Despite that booming trade in removal, more tats are being applied and in more creative areas of the body. No longer restricted to bulging biceps or on a lady’s trim ankle, tattoos are starting to appear on eyeballs and in Braille, too. Yet another trend is tattooing moustaches on fingers.

Hey, I know what you’re thinking. What’s that part about Braille tattoos? How does that work?

Well, say, you want “Mom” inked onto your bulging bicep. Or your best gal or guy’s name delicately inscribed onto your ankle.

It’s done with a series of raised dots, just like in regular Braille. Only no ink is used. The surgeon (if you can find one) just inserts implantable surgical steel, titanium or medical plastic under the skin.


“Mom” in Braille

And that naturally leads to another one of those “Why-did-nobody-ever-think-of-this-before!” moments.

If you have Braille tats on your hand like in the picture below, you can instantly learn the name of the person with whom you are shaking hands. Just don’t assume everybody is named “Mom.!”



Can’t you win some sort of prize for outside-the-box thinking like that?

And here’s another thought:
You gotta admit writing a “Mom” tattoo in dots, saying “This is mom’s name in a red heart with a wavy wreath and an arrow through it” in Braille is going to take up a lot of arm or ankle space. Not to mention all those hands feeling your biceps and ankles.

It probably would look something like this:



But, hey, more power to them. The sightless have enough challenges in life so if they want Braille tattoos, bring ‘em on!

Removal of Braille tattoos: top scientists have carefully analyzed the issues and ramifications involved and have announced they will think of something soon.

One of the hottest new trends in Tattoos is for men and women who want a moustache -- but only some of the time.

It works like this: just ask your favorite skin ink artist to tattoo your choice of moustaches onto your index finger.

Then, say, you want a disguise or you’re at the guest of honor at the annual Moustache Convention. Why, just hold your finger over your lip.
Presto! Instant soup strainer! How easy could things be?


Removal: Put your hand down.

Tattoos on your eyeball probably would not be your doctor’s favorite choice of body art for you. Besides, it gets unsettling with the needle in the eye and all so we’ll just skip that part.



One guy getting an eyeball Tat, concluded his description about creating a tattoo on his eyeball with the following words of wisdom:

“Now that this experiment has been started, please wait for us to either heal or go blind before trying it!”

Removal of eye tattoos? No known method. Start by crying a lot.

Speaking of dots: at least one tattoo aficionado and artist had inked, numbered dots on the length of her lower leg, below. If you connect all 16,581 dots from the lowest to the highest number, the outline of a giraffe appears. Reason? She’s absolutely nuts about giraffes and has been since childhood. Plus, artists do things entirely for reasons of their own.

Unfortunately, the dots are not raised so the artwork is not accessible to readers of Braille. But with legs like that…..whoops! Never mind! Gee, I almost let loose with some highly politically incorrect male chauvinist pig sexism there. But you get the general concept, I’m sure.


Removal? Basic tattoo removal.

Top Five Weird Things that Happen to Doctors

The lives of doctors aren’t all yachts, golf courses, winter vacations in Monaco, Bentleys and high end dressing rooms for their own T.V. shows.

They actually go to work to work every day and interact with other people. So the occasional weird, embarrassing or you-won’t-believe-what-happened-to-me-today moments occur in their lives, too.

Here are the top five weird things that have happened to doctors, sent in by the physicians themselves!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald



2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?” I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson



5. As a new, young MD doing his residency in obstetrics, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!"
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Scalpel! Clamp! Crochet hook!

To develop a new technique, Peter Lawrence, M.D., chief of vascular surgery at University of California, Los Angeles, bought a size 7 crochet hook.

However, Dr. Lawrence wasn’t knitting; he saw a way to use a crochet hook as a new surgical tool to remove varicose veins.

The old surgical methods involve some pain, stitches and time off for recovery. Lasers and radio frequency, using heat and energy are also employed along with vein stripping, tying off the vein or injecting a solution that would make the varicose vein whither and die.



This crochet hook is for knitting,
not surgery.

Using the crochet hook method, Dr. Lawrence has done 268 cases in the last two years. He makes a very small incision, reaches in with the crochet hook (which has been adapted for surgery) and snags and pulls out the vein. The incision is so small, no stitches are needed and the resulting scar looks like a freckle. Read more.

Some English doctors are using the same method to pull large veins out of aging hands but Dr. Lawrence advises against it. Many other plastic surgeons routinely make older hands look younger.

“The day may come when you will very much need those veins in your hands to insert I.V. needles,” says the doctor.

Internet Plastic Surgery Giveaways

Ever hear of “owning a piece of the rock?” Well, the same concept is being applied to plastic surgery.

Back in 2004, Linda Peacegrove, a Swedish model, suffered a personal and professional loss when medical treatments following a thyroid gland surgery left her, well, let’s just say, severely bosom challenged.



So she put up a website, asking for donations toward a breast augmentation. We would love to tell you the name of the now-404 website but it currently redirects to an XXX-explicit Web site you would not want your ten-year-old to see. (Hey, you would not want your 40-year-old husband to see this site!) And the Web site is in Sweden. Enough said?

Anyhow, Linda tossed in the towel when she only received $808 from a tight-fisted public toward the $6000 needed for surgery.

Help a Girl Fill a Sweater!”

The next Internet donation request for plastic surgery came from the United States where a 23-year-old student -- who identifies herself only as “Michel” with a 34A bosom -- bemoaned her lot and asked computer users to “help a girl fill a sweater!” and pass the electronic hat for her breast enhancement fund.

Results? The milk of human kindness never flowed so abundantly!

In about a year, total strangers donated the required $4500. After the procedure, Michel posted tasteful (READ: with clothes) before-and-after pictures on her website as an all-purpose thank you. (We would also love to mention the name of her website but in the last two years, nasty, nasty X-rated ads have been added to this site, too!) However, we have posted pictures of Michel (below) that give you an idea of the, er, full impact that random acts of kindness can achieve.

Michel shows the results wrought by her adoring public:

The bottom picture shows Michel before she started asking for donations. She’s wearing the same top in both pictures.


before

after

You may think a 23-year-old having rejuvenation surgery is pretty unusual. However, somebody as young as Michel having plastic surgery is becoming more of a trend. For a closer look at people in their 20s having plastic surgery, take a look at our CosmeticSurgery.com article, Restylane & Juvederm: New Accessories for 20-Somethings.

(By the way, we did not crop her pictures. Michel may be bold about asking for help but she’s also shy about showing her whole face on the Internet.)

After that, Nicole, another student, then 26, noted Michel’s success and publicly decried her own bony haunches by putting up a now-defunct website. Her purpose? Nicole wanted $6,000 for a buttocks augmentation, declaring her rear end was as thin as a Jenny Craig instructor in Bangladesh during famine. But Nicole called it quits after the milk of human kindness could only squeeze out a paltry $155.

Breast Implants: No Charge!

The latest and largest Internet attempt to draw on the kindness of total strangers is MyFreeImplants.com.

Here’s how it works: Women over 18 post their clothed head-and-body shots along with a two or three line bio and plea for donations while identifying themselves by first name only.

Guys -- known on this site as “benefactors” -- chip in with whatever they can afford. But first, they must shell out for “message credits” priced at $1.20 each. To send the women emails, benefactors pay with the message credits. When the donations beyond message credits are sufficient, the woman has a breast enhancement surgery and then posts thank you notes, along with more-or-less clothed, before-and-after pictures. (They aren’t X-rated but they are also pretty far from PG13!)

Eight women are posted on the home page with the amounts they claim to have raised, from $145 to $5765.

And why would guys make donations to a total stranger? Even if it is a lovely stranger? Who becomes a very well-endowed stranger? Guys being guys, don’t they ask for something tangible in return for their money?

“There are a million different reasons why men donate,” says co-founder Jay Moore, an M.B.A. who helped put up the website as a hobby. “Some expect sexy pictures, others just want to chat, establish a friendship, talk about problems and some are just philanthropists.”
The site claims five million page views monthly.


Rita Rudner

But before contributing anything, it might be a good idea to mention one of comedienne Rita Rudner’s on-point observations about human nature. She said: “Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: A woman with large breasts makes men stupid.”

Top Five Plastic Surgeries Your Insurance Will Cover (Maybe!!)

There are at least five. Here are the most commonly done.

1.Eyelid surgery

With more baby boomers -- the largest percentage of our population -- passing the half century mark every day, legions of upper and lower eyelids are starting to sag like fleets of Mac trucks crossing rope bridges.

What your insurance company doesn’t want you to know: if your upper eyelids are starting to fall over your eyeballs so that your vision is obscured, they should cover the procedure. Average cost of eyelid surgery in the United States: $3825.

Number of blepharoplasties done in 2006: 210,000 according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS).

Sagging eyelid

2.Breast reduction

Extremely large breasts cause back and other health woes and
will eventually cost your insurance company even more money if left
untreated.

The magic words that cause even the stingiest insurers to let their cash
flow like fountains: “I have back, neck and shoulder pain due to my
extremely large breasts.” But don’t try to bluff. You may have
to show a doctor’s report, proving the condition exists.

Some breasts are so large, the weight on the woman’s bra straps have
worn notches into her shoulder bones. Medically, the condition is known
as shoulder grooving.

The total cost of breast reduction surgery averages about $8500 in the United States. That usually covers the surgeons’ fees, facility costs, the anesthesiologist, post-op visits and medicines.

In 2006, plastic surgeons performed 104,455 breast reduction procedures, according to the ASPS.

3. Breast reconstruction

That is a four-to-six hour procedure that is usually done in one of
four ways to rebuild the female breast, or breasts, after a mastectomy.

The procedure can keep you off your feet for one to six
weeks, depending on the reconstruction method used.

As far as your medical coverage is concerned, there is simply no wiggle room for the insurance company. Current law requires them to cover the operation. Be sure and say you’ve read the Women's Health and Cancer Rights Act.

Fees vary widely depending on whether mastectomy is included.
Number performed in the United States in 2006? 56,176, according to the ASPS.

4. Hand Surgery

Plastic surgeons are highly skilled in operating on tiny bodily structures so many also perform hand surgery, usually to relieve carpal tunnel syndrome. But the surgeons may also rejoin amputated fingers or even move a toe to a hand so a person can work again.

Hand surgery rejoins nerves, muscles, tendons and bones to bring back normal function and feeling. The various types of hand surgery vary so much in costs, an average cost can’t be pinned down.

What does your insurance company need to know? Easy! You can’t work without your hands functioning properly. (That way, you can continue writing checks to your insurers!)

2006 saw 155,810 hand surgeries, according to experts.



A 57-year-old English woman shows the difference cosmetic hand surgery can make. The age revealing veins in her left hand have been removed by plastic surgery. Compare the treated hand to her other hand for a sense of before and after. We hope she likes it because a U.S. insurance company would not pay for it.

5. Facial tumor removal.

A plastic or dermatological surgeon may have to take off a dangerous facial growth -- like basal cell carcinoma -- and then transplant some donor skin over the wound.

Your insurance company needs to know the plastic or dermatological surgeon is preventing a much more, expensive condition, something that will cost them even more money in the long run.

Removing a facial growth by electrodessication and curettage runs from $250 to $500.
By excision with a scalpel, about $1200.
By Mohs surgery from $2000 to 2500.
If you have a Mohs surgery in an operating room as an outpatient, plan on about $4000.

The American Academy of Dermatology says about one million cases of facial skin cancer crop up yearly. Overall, 3.9 million tumor removals were done in 2006, says the ASPS.

HINT: Most insurance companies routinely reject the first request for coverage on almost any procedure. It’s because most people then forget about it all together.

Those in the know send a second request which is often approved, especially if you show the procedure is not to make you look better but for serious medical reasons.

Changing Your Appearance -- Japanese Style

After your plastic surgery, you expect to look younger, more rested, more refreshed and just better.

But would you want to look like, oh, say, a vending machine?

That’s doable in Japan. A top designer of women’s clothes has created a fold up camouflage sheet for wear under skirts. When you are alone at night on a dark street and feel threatened, you just pull out the camo sheet, turn your back to a wall and hold the sheet up over your head.

Presto! You’re a vending machine! Well, you look like one, anyhow. The creep goes sauntering on by, thinking you’ve vanished into thin air. The deluxe version (pictured below) has four sides for a more complete camouflaging experience.

Let’s just hope street creeps are not thirsty and try to stick coins in your eye!



The vending machine closest to the camera is a woman waiting for danger to pass. Maybe next time she should pull her toes in under cover, too! Oh, and by the way, never, never rock these machines -- even the camouflage models are top heavy and can topple over, causing injury! (DISCLAIMER: Trembling might give you away. Most vending machines stand as still as a statue.)

Club of the Month: Italy’s Ugly Club

Sounds like a plastic surgeon’s dream, doesn’t it? An entire club of people whose looks could use more than the average amount of professional nipping and tucking.



Actually, the club was started by Telesforo Iacobelli, a man with a small nose. He is considered less attractive because Italians really dig a big schnozzle.

So, every year, the Ugly Club in Piobbico, Italy, holds the Festival of the Ugly and picks a new president. Want to guess who wins? You got it, ‘ol Telesforo himself. It’s because he has spent his entire adult life fighting for the recognition of the ugly in a world that prizes physical beauty.

But here’s the secret the Ugly Club does not want you to know: the club was originally started 40 years ago for the town’s single women who felt they could not find mates because they, the women, were not lovely enough.
That might have something to do with the choosing of the club’s motto: “Ugliness is a virtue, beauty is a slave.”


Actually, the only absolute, mud-fence ugly thing about the club is the clubhouse door, pictured, below.



The sign above the door reads, “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Here Enter!”

Whoops, that’s Dante. Wrong Italian! The sign really says, “National Association of the Ugly.”

Nip Tuck Nation? No, PhotoShop Nation!

Elf Ears = Better Hearing?

Hungarian plastic surgeon, Dr. Lajos Nagy, (now allegedly working in NYC) says on his website he surgically creates elf-like ears for people like these two supposed patients, below.

Plastic Surgery Before Birth?

Next, we read in the plastic surgery news that the latest trend in rejuvenation surgery is prenatal plastic surgery.

Surgeons are now allegedly repairing body parts before birth as evidenced by this sonogram of an unfortunate fetus with a long, unattractive nose in the picture, below.

But miracle of miracles, look at the nice nose job in the after picture. And performed while the patient is still in the womb!



What these two items really have in common is not plastic surgery but PhotoShop. All the above before and after plastic surgery pictures are “100 percent PhotoShopped,” according to Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeon Jason Diamond, M.D., F.A.C.S., a Dr. 90210 plastic surgery star in Beverly Hills.

The amazing thing is how many blogs first fell for Dr. Nagy’s hoax. Swallowing it hook, line and sinker were Plasticized; skepticalcommunity.com; boingboing.net; trendhunter.net; speeple.com; geekologie.com and metafilter.com, among others.

But eagle-eyed blog Meisters seeing right through the stunts -- in addition to your humble scribe at CosmeticSurgery.com blog -- include blogskinny.com and health.propeller.com.

Say, I’ve got a nice bridge in Brooklyn for sale and it’s real cheap, too! Any takers?

Top Ten Things Your Plastic Surgeon Won’t Tell You

1. You’re going to get old anyhow.
Cosmetic plastic surgery does not stop the aging process. Read more.

2. Sure, I’m board certified -- in geriatric medicine.
Many board certifications don’t mean anything for plastic surgery patients. Ask what the surgeon is certified in. More.

3. You need a shrink, not a plastic surgeon.
Some patients are never satisfied and can’t get enough rejuvenation surgery.

4. You can get this procedure for 15 to 30 percent less out of town.
Overhead -- rents, salaries and the cost of operating a business -- are higher in large urban areas. But if you drive out of town you can get the same quality for less.

5. Future effects of surgery? Who Knows?
If you have a breast augmentation, you will have at least one more operation some time in your life to replace the implant. Medical science does not know the future implications of all procedures.

6. Sure, I’ll do your forehead lift. But my specialty is breasts.
Ask your surgeon how many times weekly he or she does the procedure you want. Odds of a good outcome increase if the surgeon performs that operation two to three times a week.

7. It’s the anesthesia you really need to worry about.
If you are put under a general, ask if the anesthesiologist is board certified in anesthesiology. If you will be put to sleep, ask who is going to monitor you. Sometimes, a nurse anesthetist is O.K.

8. My office is not really the best place for surgery.
Some procedures should be done in a certified surgical center or a hospital. Ask if the surgery center is AAAHC or JCAHO certified. Read more.

9. Me? I went to dental school.
Some states allow dentists to perform plastic surgery.

10. You could have four more procedures overseas at
the same price.
Going oversees for plastic surgery can be much, much cheaper but is fraught with risk. Dr. 90210’s Dr. Kotler adds the seven smart questions to ask before having cosmetic surgery overseas.

Plastic Surgery Greeting Cards

Remember our former blog, wherein we talked about the new plastic surgery CosmeTees shirts? Those spiffy, rhinestone-studded Tees announcing your surgical rejuvenation?

Well, supposing your best gal pal undergoes some plastic surgery and starts wearing one of those shirts? You gotta admit she’s crying for attention. So what DO you do?

How about sending her a plastic surgery greeting card?

The cards hit breast augmentation pretty hard, but, hey, why not? So many women are having breast enhancement, it has become the nation’s top surgical rejuvenation.

Anyhow, greeting cards like the ones just below are for your friend’s breast enlargement:





For fat transfer patients:

*I though we could sit around and chew the fat!

For rhinoplasty patients:

*Your Nose Looks Great!

For sclerotherapy patients:

• You’re so Vein!”

For Botox patients:

• A card with a drawing of two women spraying each other with starch

And an all-purpose card for any procedure that has made a real difference, concentrating on the magic words healed patients love to hear from others:


(Greeting cards, courtesy of Lee Sequeira and GoodTobeYou.com)

NEXT TIME: How offshore plastic surgery can make your passport invalid and the Top Five Clubs for Plastic Surgery Patients……who want to take chances.

Study: Men Go for Good Looks in Women

So that’s it! I always wondered why guys spent so much time pacing and fretting over girls and women. Now it’s been studied and classified as a scientific fact. So declares The National Academy of Sciences who sponsored a study of 26 men and 20 women, aged 26 to 40, to find out just what all the fuss has been about.

The conclusion was actually limited to: men like good looks in the woman they choose for a mate. It might even explain why plastic surgery remains so popular. (What did the women like? Another surprise! Guys with lots of money. Sorry guys, cosmetic surgery is no help if you’re broke.)

It’s like organizing 30 professors with 10 centuries of higher education and a combined I.Q. of 96,000 to find out things things like, oh, are the oceans wet, is the sky blue (Los Angeles not included, of course,) do dogs bark or cat meow.

Actually, unusual scientific studies are nothing new. Unless I miss my guess, many university professors don’t have enough papers to grade and dream up these intellectual studies to fill time.

Study: English Layabouts

The Sunday Telegraph in London took a poll of 1,000 men for Opinion Health and found that 41 percent do no regular physical exercise whatever and eat “appallingly.” (READ: exist on potato chips and beer.) When asked what they intend to do to counter the ill effects of two decades of slothful living, 23 percent said they would just have rejuvenation procedures and never mind the cost of plastic surgery.

Unfortunately, it really doesn’t work that way. The chairman of the National (U.K.) Obesity Forum reminded everybody that improving your health is “bloody hard work.”

Remember, plastic surgeons are trained to look for people who want plastic surgery for the wrong reasons. Their guideline is the SIMON Profile (Single, Immature, Male, Obsessive and Narcissistic.) Read more about how some patients are screened out as candidates for surgery.

Top Ten Famous Quotes about Beauty

At the end of the day, plastic and cosmetic surgeries are about beauty. Consequently, a solid 85 percent of patients receiving cosmetic plastic surgery are women.

The remaining 15 percent are guys who don’t care about beauty. Being guys, they are more concerned about the times when beauty was in the eye of the beer holder.

Take a look at what some of our most clever thinkers and writers have envisioned about female beauty. (Verses about so-called “male beauty” are never written because their visions are always too bleary.)

10. “I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”
-Jean Kerr

9. BEAUTY, n. “That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."
- Ambrose Bierce

8. “Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.”
- Sophia Loren

7. "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw true beauty until this night!”
- Romeo when he first sees Juliet

6. “Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age -- as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
- Phyllis Diller

5. “If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?"
- Lily Tomlin

4. "Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder."
- Dr. Lawrence J. Peter

3. “Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.”
- Kin Hubbard

2. “Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store."
- Miss Piggy

1.” She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”
- Groucho Marx

The Top Five Strangest Spa Treatments

Caviar, Chocolate, Tea and Beer Hops

Beauty treatments seem to use up everything in the above average kitchen, including green and white tea, newspapers (The Aqua Vitae Spa in New York City offers a “Page Six Facial!”) Dead Sea salt, chocolate and beer in addition to “scrubs” using Bikini Sugar, cous-cous, sesame, ginger and sugar maple leaf.

Question: how did everybody get so dirty? And doesn’t scrubbing with soap and hot water work any more?

Anyhow, we’ve surveyed the offerings used in some day spas and medispas and found the following:

5th Strangest Spa Treatment: Beer pedicure

The Exsalonce Spa in Chicago says it will revitalize your tired dogs and even “work wonders” on calluses. Seems like a real strain on a vital and complicated system of supply at time when huge supplies of beer are urgently needed during the very height of football season.



4th Oddest Spa Treatment: Egyptian Mud

The MiSpa in Chicago imports mud from Egypt, presumably from the Nile River, and slathers it all over their clients’ bodies in the name of health. Meanwhile, Egyptians are laughing up their sleeves because the Nile has always been used for a sewer and they were stumped on how to get rid of the polluted mud until somebody offered to buy it.
Meanwhile, in Calistoga, Califonria, Mud Mujita is said to relieve the rigors or jet lag at Spa Solage’s mud bar.



3rd Most Off-The-Wall Spa Treatment: Chocolate Manicure

Offered by the DeFranco Spagnolo Salon in Great Neck, N.Y., the chocolate manicure is for when you are feeling like something sweet but you don’t want it to melt in your hand. Instead, it just melts all over your fingernails.



2nd Most Unusual Spa Treatment: Sweet Cheeks Derriere Facial.

The Detroit-area Euphoria Spa gives your other cheeks -- the ones you sit on -- exfoliation, then applies a masque, waxing and wraps it up with a warm paraffin treatment. Questions: After all that trouble and expense, do you really want to sit on it? And hide it? The YOUnique Medical Spa in Santa Monica, California, refers to this as “Booty Buffing,” which is a required process to -- and I quote -- “get your booty bikini and mini-dress ready.”



And the Number 1 Oddest Spa Treatment: Caviar Pedicure

Spa Newbury in Boston offers this tasty treat. Now, caviar probably will never replace more vital and substantial nutrition schemes like potato chips.

Nonetheless, some people like caviar on a cracker with lemon juice and some champagne. Or, you can do the next most obvious thing and just rub it all over your feet.

The spa’s owner seems to think caviar is somehow related to the skin on your feet and may nourish your tootsies. Or, perhaps there’s a cushioning effect while walking on caviar. It’s never worked for me because the little fish eggs always break, allowing gooey stuff to ooze out and totally mess up my socks.

A Mouse Grows Ears and Noses for Humans

It looks like a creature that got all mixed up going through Jeff Goldblum’s transporters in his version of the 1986 movie, The Fly.

But some of the most far reaching work by plastic surgeon researchers use hairless mice to grow human ears and noses. (NOTE: This is NOT PhotoShop. These are genuine scientific data!)



Scientists are asked to tip-toe around this lab mouse that is extremely sensitive to loud noise, thanks to the size of his extra ear.

Why do this at all? Some children are born without ears. Plus, new artificial noses are used for accident victims and, well, frankly, for people who have unwisely had too much plastic surgery on their snoozes. (Are you paying attention, Jacko?)

The best part is that the host mouse lives on once the new ear is removed from its back and sewn onto a human. The research takes place at the University of Massachusetts. Read more about how scientists grow human ears for donation on mice.

Cosmetic Surgery T-shirts

We noticed the wonderful article about men’s fashions on another hip blog, Beauty Chat.

It just so happened that some recent news about women’s fashions came our way. In particular, cosmetic surgery T-shirts.

You know something has really caught the fancy of the public when a street or a sandwich is named after it.

But that same item is as firmly established in the American culture as the 4th of July, Billy the Kid or the Liberty Bell when its name appears on a T-shirt.

Cosmetic surgery T-shirts were created by CosmeTees, a firm where designer and owner Lee Dequeira of Philadelphia observed something noteworthy about people who have plastic surgery.

They blab about it. While we ordinary mortals blithely stroll the malls with, say, plaster casts on our newly straightened noses, or huge bandages swathed around our heads due to freshly pinned back ears, celebrities do everything possible to hide their surgical rejuvenation.



(I Love My New Boobs, a toned down Tee for the less ostentatious.)

You’ve seen it all before where the celeb watchword is deny, deny, deny. Nobody uncovers this trend better than the blog awful plastic surgery.

(Here’s an example of the expressions on the Tee)



So Lee got to thinking. Why not just go with the Everyman flow and, since you’re telling anybody who will listen about your recent nip ‘n’ tuck, just boldly announce your enhancement on a special Tee? Like another one, just below:



Once you see the all-black Tees with the words spelled out in glittering rhinestones, you might get the shirts are intended to be brash. So the Tees don’t so much announce your rejuvenation surgery as shout it. The fashionable shirts go for $39.95 a pop.



So-o-o-o-o, depending on your particular surgical rejuvenation, you can wear a Tee that offers additional bold and brash statements, including:

• “Nipped/Tucked in the USA”

• “My PS is Better than Your PS (Plastic Surgeon)”

• ”I’m Under Construction”

• “It’s All About Me”

• ”Work in Progress”

Top Five Urban Myths About Plastic Surgery

Has anyone ever told you an outlandish story, saying it happened to an uncle or a friend of a cousin while absolutely swearing it’s true? But it seems you could never track down the source of the story.

All too often, these told, retold and told yet again stories are urban myths. They just did not happen even though everybody believes them.

Consequently, we’ve set the filter to high on our high-tech plastic surgery news gathering gizmo and have uncovered the top five urban myths about plastic surgery.

PLASIC SURGERY URBAN MYTH NUMBER 5. Cher had her lowest pair of ribs surgically removed so she would have a true hour glass figure and tiny waist.

REALITY: Cher admits to having a lot of plastic surgery on her breasts and face but the ribs are really off limits. Other stars who have also been rumored to remove a rib or two include: Elizabeth Taylor, (“Hanoi”) Jane Fonda, Tori Spelling, Pamela Anderson, Janet Jackson and Britney Spears.

PLASTIC SURGERY URBAN MYTH NUMBER 4: NASCAR champ Kurt Busch had trouble getting his crash helmet on so he had an operation to pin his ears back.

BUSCH BEFORE



BUSCH AFTER


REALITY: While Busch’s helmet always fit just fine, thank you, Kurt did have otoplasty, cosmetic surgery on his ears just because he has always wanted to look better. Plus, he was getting married soon. Weddings probably cause more plastic surgery than all the television shows about cosmetic plastic surgery combined. It’s because wedding pictures are handed down for generations. Well, in at least 50 percent of the cases, if you factor in the current divorce rate. (My own thrifty, Great Depression survivor parents just took scissors and cut the despicable bride from the wedding pictures after the divorce.)


PLASTIC SURGERY URBAN MYTH NUMBER 3: If you can donate skin from your tummy tuck to the Shriner’s burn center for skin grafting, the Shriner’s will cover the cost of your procedure.



REALITY: Not true. For more about how urban myths can turn into an absolute flood of bogus email, stay on Dr. Oliver’s most excellent website, Plastic Surgery 101 and read about the numbers of misinformed people who write in on this topic.

PLASTIC SURGERY URBAN MYTH NUMBER 2: 73-year-old former astronaut Buzz Aldrin -- and the second person to walk on the face of the moon --recently had a face lift so his death mask would look handsome and because, if selected for a postage stamp, he would look good there, too.



REALITY: Buzz had a face lift O.K, but it had nothing to do with a death mask or postage stamps. Buzz says he has a “trophy wife” who is actually his same age but looks much younger. The moonwalker especially wanted his “droopy jowls” to look firmer.

AND THE TOP PLASTIC SURGERY URBAN MYTH: (that almost everybody believes!) A huge, muscular man had a hard time texting on his new iPhone due to his huge hands so he had plastic surgery on his thumbs to make them skinnier. Below, a six- footer grabbed onto the hand of the surgery patient in question just to show just how big his hands really are. And check out that giant thumb!




REALITY: Never happened. Plastic surgeons don’t offer a “thumioplasty” because there’s nothing to remove, lift, augment, nip or tuck. You need everything on your thumbs just where it is, exactly like Mother Nature designed it.

World’s 1st Breast Augmentation: Done in Exchange for Otoplasty

Back in 1962, a 30-year-old Texas woman allowed doctors to surgically place silicone implants into her sagging breasts. But the patient really wanted her large ears reduced. The patient, Timmie Jean Lindsey, then a young housewife with six children, agreed to go ahead with the breast procedure if the surgeons would later perform an otoplasty, the ear pinning operation.

The Daily Mail in London recently told Timmie Jean’s life story and showed the very first before and after breast augmentation photos.

Read more about the world’s first breast enlargement with implants.

Blog Watch

Read the Beauty Chat Blog to learn how Restylane is now being added to fashionable feet for extra padding while the first Botox only clinic has opened in NYC.
Plus, this is a great spot to stay current with the comings, goings and doings of Dr. 90210 surgeons.

Wendy Lewis, the “Knife Coach” probably knows more about plastic surgery that any other lay person. She has two anecdotes about how breast implants saved a couple of lives. In one case, a female Israeli soldier stopped a shard of shrapnel from an exploding shell when it struck her silicone implant. Her surgeon reported the shard would have otherwise gone into her heart. In the other case, after a head-on auto accident in Bulgaria, rescuers found a woman’s large (40DD) breast implants acted like airbags and prevented damage to her internal organs in the crash. The implants burst upon impact and, like the car, were a total loss.

Breast implants tripped up a murderer and solved a case

NYC detectives found a body packed inside a suitcase but had no clue about her identity. However, the woman had breast implants….which carry registration numbers. Now equipped with her identity, detectives then noticed a quack doctor lived close to where the body was found. A little more sleuthing revealed the doctor had already been busted for practicing medicine without a license. And when all the pieces were put together, they found the victim went to the see the doc on the day she disappeared and died under his “care” because of an unusual antibiotic reaction. The doctor then hid the body, never dreaming the woman actually carried registration numbers.

Dr. John DiSilva’s blog carries a video of a lineup of women (READ: top models) in bras. The idea is to spot the one or ones, if any, who’ve had breast augmentation. You have to sit through an obnoxious commercial before the somewhat surprising truth is revealed.

Plastic Surgery Gets Its Own Freeway!

In happier news: a recent development will speed things up in Beverly Hills, the world Mecca of plastic surgery.

So many people travel to and from Beverly Hills, a new-high speed thoroughfare has been built to insure the timely arrivals of surgical rejuvenation patients at their many destinations in and about the Golden Ghetto.

Pictured below is the Plastic Surgery Freeway. Of course, that moniker is slang -- the roadway’s real name is the Beverly Hills Freeway. Nonetheless, the thoroughfare features convenient off-ramps at Tummy Tuck Parkway, Rhinoplasty Place, Botox Circle, Dermabrasion Drive and other favorite motoring destinations.

(Well, O.K., we made up the part about the Plastic Surgery Freeway, but the rest of the column is totally true! The above picture is actually a ‘fridge magnet. ((Photo courtesy of stickergiant.com.)) But the Beverly Hills Freeway could be real some day, don’t you think?)

Plastic Surgery Research

What a world we have in modern medicine! Machines that perform heart surgery on a patient in outer space while the surgeon-operator remains on earth. Diagnostic machines that can show you crystal clear pictures of your brain’s insides. Not to mention plastic surgeons who can turn back the clock on just about any aging face or body.

How about this? A bit more low-tech to be sure but perhaps useful. Learned researchers working in certified ivory towers at a major university reveal that warts can be removed with duct tape. (My advice: just watch out for the quacking that goes along with using the tape!)

Warts Lost to Duck Tape

University of Minnesota researchers studied the old folk cure technique of covering warts with sticky, fibrous duct tape. Results? It only works a scant 21 percent of the time.

But researchers back in 2002 found the technique worked on the warts of young adults and children 85 percent of the time. That study was reported in a 2003 issue of American Family Physician.

The, ah, sticking point? The 2002 used gray duct tape which contains rubber. But the 2007 study used clear duct tape without rubber. It was a true eureka! moment in science. I can hear the television commercial for wart healing now: “Gray heals! Clear Flops!”

Said one of the researchers: “Theoretically, the rubber adhesive could somehow stimulate the immune system or irritate the skin to attack the wart in a different manner.”

One of the other researchers (we are not making this up) also told of a folk cure which worked for him when he was a mere lad: he found a slug and let it slither across his warts from right to left three times.

Want a preview of that commercial? “Get fast, fast relief from warts! Use Ajax Slugs! More Slime! More right-to-left crossings!”

A New Internal Bra

Women: ever get tired of misplacing your bras?

Medical science is hard at work on this pesky question.

While researchers worldwide have devised several types of internal bras, the latest is from noted Israeli plastic surgeon Eyal Gur who thinks his own design for an internal bra will be approved by this time next year. Oh yeah, not to forget: there’s another selling point: in addition to never losing your bra, you receive a breast lift too. Dr. Gur calls the coming procedure, “TheCup&Up.”

It works like this: Dr. Gur’s internal bra has a thin titanium frame implanted just under the skin. The gizmo also has silicone cups to hold the breasts up.

According to Dr. Gur, implanting an internal bra will be quick -- about 45 minutes -- and less invasive, requiring local anesthesia only. Compare that with today’s breast lifts which usually leave long scars and remove a lot of skin. The new procedure should be cheaper, too.

Not to mention the huge savings on bra bills.

Next -- Super high fashionable cosmetic surgery T-shirts for women.

Plastic Surgery Blog Watch

Current notable entries:

While we’re on the topic of feet: Check the Beauty Chat Blog to learn how Restylane is now being added to fashionable feet for cushioning. You’ll also see news of a Botox-only clinic. Plus, this is a great blog to stay current with the comings, goings and doings of television’s Dr. 90210 surgeons.

Dr. George Berka’s blog observes that cosmetic plastic surgery can improve your mood and even reduce the need for depression medication. You can find a longer take about how psychology, moods and Cosmetic Surgery are all intertwined in the article, Does Plastic and Cosmetic Surgery Cure the Blues? One patient in the article was thrown into many years of depression because she suffered a botched nose job. Unfortunately, it happens more often that you may think. So carefully, carefully check the doctor’s credentials. Here’s how.

Next time:

• Breast implants that protected the owner in a car crash and another that stopped an exploding shell
• Yet another breast implant (hint: it has a serial number) identified an unknown body
• Plus, the Beverly Hills Freeway
• New plastic surgery research. (Another hint: scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the right kind of duct tape can cure warts!)

Plastic Surgery Product of the Week Toe Stretchers: Now Over-the-Counter!

For all who are breathless about the aesthetic state of their tootsies and may be considering a foot facelift:
There is finally hope for anybody who suffers from dreaded maladies like turf toe or tiny toe syndrome (also known as stubby toe disorder.) The toe stretcher puts your little piggies back into proper shape and length -- and without expensive surgery!

But wait -- there’s more! According to the manufacturer, The Toe Stretcher additionally promises to align foot muscles, straighten bent toes, realign bones and increase circulation by performing Yoga on your toes. (Mantra not included.)

There’s only one downside: walking is a little tricky. In fact, you might not want to remain under treatment while driving because you would be too wobbly to walk a straight line if the police ever stopped you. And do we have to mention anything about watching out for broken glass? We think not!

Dental Appointment! Phone Home!

There’s a cool new way to be reminded about cosmetic or regular dental appointments. Instead of posting a note on the ‘fridge or jotting something on your already crowded calendar, you can have a reminder pop up on your cell.

Smile Reminder alerts you to upcoming dental appointments. Just give your cell phone number or email address to your dental receptionist and you’ll see timely -- if not altogether welcome -- reminders about those oh-so-easy to forget dentist appointments.

We’re also told your dentist will send electronic birthday and holiday greetings, thereby keeping your mind off any new schemes of pain avoidance. Of course, cosmetic dentists are a little different because you will really have something to show -- brand new pearly whites -- in return for what you’ve spent in cash, patience, worry and, yes, avoided and forgotten dental appointments.

NBC's Biggest Loser Gets Plastic Surgery

Eric Chopin made a huge splash last year on NBC’s Biggest Loser when he broke all the existing records for dropping his whale-like weight from 407 pounds to a healthy 192 on a six foot frame.

Although Eric has gone on to bigger and better things, his face and what’s left of his body are still being seen at The Biggest Loser Club and on NBC’s promo spots.

But the untold part of the story is: Eric had plastic surgery after leaving the show. Read about Eric Chopins body contouring journey on iEnhance.

Plastic Surgery Movie

Plastic Surgery Movie

It looks boffo (Hollywood-speak for “a two-hanky tearjerker”). Provided you can find it and don’t mind English subtitles over a Korean sound track, the flick 200 Pounds of Beauty is about a Korean 20-year-old blessed with an unbelievable voice. But she’s also an Asian incarnation of Mama Cass, tipping the scales at 200 pounds. This, on a four-foot-nine frame in a nation where the average weight for females is 95 pounds!

Plastic Surgery Hot Spot

The heroine, Kim Ah-Jung, is the secret vocalist for a famous (READ: reed thin) Korean singer who lip syncs to Kim’s marvelous singing. The plot thickens again when Kim meets a famous plastic surgeon, a totally natural development because Korea has become a plastic surgery hot spot in Asia.
Eventually, Kim gets sick of her weight. She stays in seclusion for a year to lose it, emerging as Jenny, a recent émigré from California to becomes an overnight singing sensation AND -- here’s the two hanky part -- capturing the heart of her secret love. Jenny/Kim is the sole act in a huge, national concert. But old enemies reveal her actual past and show pictures of her former corpulent self at the concert.

Breaks Down

Instead of singing, Jenny breaks down, admits to the millions in attendance (though satellite hookups) she is really is a “fake” and “all plastic.” Much to her surprise, the audience chants en masse “That’s okay, Jen, go on with the show!”
While the movie won a handful of awards, it’s a tad misleading about plastic surgery.
Sure, surgeons can remove some excess fat through liposuction, but the procedure is not for weight loss. There is just no easy way around the weight loss thing; it has to be done the hard way, by eating less and working out more. Check this out to get a better appreciation of what liposuction can -- and can not do.

NBC’s Biggest Loser

If movies were real life and Jenny did lose 100 or more pounds, she would have required an altogether different plastic surgery procedure, body shaping or body contouring to get rid of excess skin.
Of course, if moves were like real life, nobody would go. But here’s a little slice of real life, about NBC’s Biggest Loser who had body shaping after breaking the show’s records.
What’s your favorite film or T.V. program about plastic surgery?

Next time: Dental appointments reminders phone home!

"Keyhole" Procedures

We've been reading more and more lately about plastic surgery procedures being done trough an incision so small, its a called "keyhole". Plastic surgeons use an endoscope to go inside the patient and perform the procedure.

One of the most popular keyhold surgery is breast augmentation throught the belly button. The same surgery that brought fame to Dr. Robert Rey, from Dr 90210. (You can read more about him here: iEnhance.com & Dr. Robert Rey)

Other doctors are starting to really pay attention to this new trend and patients are coming asking for it as well, so here's a new article written about this very interesting new technique!


8 “Keyhole” Plastic & Cosmetic Surgeries

The Magic of the Thread Lift

The demand for quick, “lunchtime” cosmetic procedures continues unabated; The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported almost seven million minimally invasive procedures in 2004, a 43 percent rise over 2003!!!

An F.D.A.- approved thread lift is one of the very latest developments; it’s a partial facelift done without incisions, general anesthesia, stitches or a long recovery time. The F.D.A.-approved Contour Thread Lift is currently used by about 285 U.S. surgeons, according to the manufacturer.

It's a very very interesting new procedure and tons of people are going and getting it. It's amazing how little scars are left and the results at the end!