Plastic Surgery Product of the Week Toe Stretchers: Now Over-the-Counter!

For all who are breathless about the aesthetic state of their tootsies and may be considering a foot facelift:
There is finally hope for anybody who suffers from dreaded maladies like turf toe or tiny toe syndrome (also known as stubby toe disorder.) The toe stretcher puts your little piggies back into proper shape and length -- and without expensive surgery!

But wait -- there’s more! According to the manufacturer, The Toe Stretcher additionally promises to align foot muscles, straighten bent toes, realign bones and increase circulation by performing Yoga on your toes. (Mantra not included.)

There’s only one downside: walking is a little tricky. In fact, you might not want to remain under treatment while driving because you would be too wobbly to walk a straight line if the police ever stopped you. And do we have to mention anything about watching out for broken glass? We think not!