Mother’s Milk for Upscale Diners?

There’s a standard list of questions a patient should ask when considering any type of breast surgery.

But, given that some places are now offering expensive dishes that contain mother’s milk, here are some more appropriate questions to ask plastic surgeons before a breast procedure:

1. If I have a breast lift, will my milk still mix well in a Crème Brule sauce for braised tenderloin tips and asparagus?

2. If I go ahead with a breast enhancement, will surgery do anything to the milk to spoil the appeal of curry in a nice breast milk creamy sauce with tender bits of Rock Island lobster tails?

3. Will a breast reduction affect the formulation and consistency of breast milk used in Bosomberry milk ice cream?

Here’s how it all came about:

Swiss Restaurateur Hans Locher, head honcho of the restaurant Storchen (Little Stork in German) intended to serve a special soup and a recipe calling for antelope steak with mother’s milk sauce. Another dish consists of small chunks of meat, also in a creamy milk sauce.


Hans Locher with his favorite recipes.
(Swiss Info photo)

For supply, Hans lined up some new moms who were willing to sell breast milk for $14.50 a quart.

Gastronomes were, ah, udderly delighted. But the authorities declared that mother’s milk for the public is verboten. Read more about Hans.

On the other side of the globe, the Chinese were not to be outdone in tapping a seemingly heretofore unknown market and started offering fresh poached abalone and perch in a human breast milk sauce. More.


Poached abalone and Perch in a creamy sauce.
(BBC News photo.)

Said the restaurant owner: “When customers are having the human milk banquet, they can experience maternal love at the same time.”

In the United States, a California entrepreneur first used his wife’s breast milk to create the following cheeses:

• Holy’s Original Blend

• Mothers’ Milk Maid Cheese

• Miss Cheese.

Care to guess what the not-so-shy guy named his business? Hooterville Farms!

You can even email them and inquire about other products like YoGoGirls yougurt or his Chunky Mammal and Bosomberry ice creams, also containing, well, hey, you’ve got the picture now.

Just go to http://www.hootervillefarms.com and check it out.

Okay, you’re a wonderful sport for hanging in there, but you’ve been had! I went for it too and quickly saw that Hootervillefarms.com is actually a shameless link farm that has nothing at all to do with mother’s milk. (But an off-kilter article says it’s the real deal. Read it just for fun.)

Nonetheless, the rest of our report is true! Really!

It seems Hans started something. PETA read about his restaurant and is now asking Ben & Jerry’s to give up cow milk for human breast milk in their ice cream. (We’re NOT making this up….read more.)

Now, here’s the disclaimer part: kill joy health inspectors say you should not actually consume any real dishes containing human breast milk because nobody knows the health status of the donor.

Now that we took care of that chore, I would like to point out that a McGill University study of 14,000 children reveals that breastfeeding results in a higher I.Q.
Read more.

If it works for babies, won’t it also help adults?