Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Top Five Clubs for People who Want Cheap Plastic Surgery

On almost a daily basis, wannabe plastic surgery patients are told to check the credentials of a cosmetic plastic surgeon BEFORE the operation.

A carefully conducted, highly scientific nation-wide survey done at these cut-rate surgery offices has revealed many of these bargain hunting patients also belong to the same social clubs. Imagine the coincidence!

Below are the top five clubs for people who pick the cheapest surgeon.

Club Number 5: The Oxford Dangerous Sports Clubs

Club members are the people who started extreme sports in the 1980s and 1990s by skiing down Swiss ski slopes in bathtubs, stepladders and, in one case, a grand piano, all attached to skis. These club members could generously be described as “action junkies.”

Club Number 4: The Dallas Bonehead Club

For the last 86 years, the Dallas Bonehead Club makes an annual award to the person who most clearly lives up to the ideals of the club.

The most famous award was to Larry Walters, the California man who attached an aluminum lawn chair to 43 helium balloons and sailed the contraption to 16,000 feet. Read more.

The Bonehead Club is a good choice for anybody who ever picked a plastic surgeon because he once did a wonderful boob job on your girl friend’s cousin’s aunt. Or maybe it was one of the aunt’s friends. Whatever.

Club Number 3: The Flat Earth Society

Members of this club claim to have solid scientific evidence that the world is flat as a board. They can also prove Columbus used mirrors to convince his sponsors about the round earth myth.

Most Flat Earthers believe that cosmetic surgery is only for the vain, selfish and super ego-centered and that rejuvenation surgery will never catch on with the general public.

Club Number 2: The Procrastinator’s Club of America

Its four thousand members celebrate Christmas in July and protested the War of 1812 in 1970. Membership is open to anybody who does not fill out and return their application too quickly.

(Motto: if procrastination were bad, they would not have the “pro” before the “crastination.”)

The Procrastinator’s Club is perfect for people who look at their faces in the mirror and then say “ouch!” Next, they think about going to a plastic surgeon for an initial consultation for at least ten years. If they do put money down on the procedure, they back out at the last moment.

Club Number 1: DENSA

The top club for people who want the cheapest plastic surgery possible is DENSA (It stands for “Diversely Educated, not Seriously Affected”) Society.

DENSA takes anybody with any I.Q., especially people who have been rejected by MENSA, the organization for very bright people.

People who join this club do what you would expect from a low I.Q. club: they pick any old cosmetic surgeon from the T.V. or radio, skip the part about reading the surgeon’s medical credentials and just hope they will look better afterwards.

The usual procedure is to flip open the yellow pages, find Dr. Catch M. Cheatem, the local credit cosmetic surgeon, and jawbone him down on the price

O.K., so why should anybody go to all the trouble of looking up credentials? For one, it takes a long time to learn this stuff. Like at least 10 to 14 years. While plastic surgery is as complicated as rocket science, any med school grad can hang out a shingle that says “Cosmetic Surgeon.”

Learn more about better ways to choose plastic surgeons.

NEXT: We perform a special experiment with the “secret plastic surgery tape” that claims it will do everything surgery will do -- at a fraction the price!

No comments: