Breast Implants Help a Rare Heart Condition

What would you do -- total panic notwithstanding -- if doctors were to find your heart beating under your kidney?

In a case so rare it has no medical name -- but is being described only as “a floating heart,” -- a Florida woman’s heart was found to be shifting around in her body. Doctors found it stuck in her rib cage under her kidney.

According to news reports, the 35-year-old woman’s right lung had been removed long ago, leaving space for her heart in which to wander around.

Having never seen the condition before, physicians were at a loss to come up with a treatment. One doctor said the patient was the only person in the world with the disorder.

The treatment? Breast implants!


Robert Rey, M.D. of Dr. 90210 fame shows a breast
implant
(Photo, courtesy of Dr. Rey.)

It required a four and one-half hour operation, but breast implants -- used in the standard breast augmentation procedure -- filled the space where the lung used to be and holds the heart in the correct position.

“Clever idea, actually,” says Robert Kotler, M.D., a board certified Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon. “The chest surgeons used the breast implants as a large-space ‘filler’.”

Editor’s note: Dr. Kotler is one half of the Tuck ‘n’ Stitch bloggers.

Top 10 Cosmetic Surgery Lawsuits

Taking Botox to court is something akin to suing Santa Claus. Almost everybody likes Botox as much as Santa, so how would you get a jury to vote against either one? Only time will tell….about Botox, that is.

Three months before Christmas, Santa is certainly on safe ground.

So nobody is suing Santa. Yet, anyhow. But in January, all bets are off!

Given the number of lawyers looking for something to do, the Momma-put-a-lump-of-coal-in-my-Xmas-stocking class action lawsuit is just around the corner.


(Pamela Moore photo)

Patrick Hudson, M.D., a plastic surgeon in New Mexico, located some insider statistics that show which plastic surgery procedures are most likely to lead to the court house.

Here are the top ten litigated procedures, along with the percentages of actions the procedure draws. More.

1. Nose surgery……………………..22 %
2. Breast reduction………………….17 %
3. Eyelid surgery……………………16%
4. Breast enlargement……………….13%
5. Face lift…………………………… 9%
6. Various………………………… 7%
7. Breast reconstruction…………..… 6%
8. Tummy tuck……………………… 5%
9. Liposuction……………………….. 3%
10. Facial resurfacing………………. …2%

Nose surgery heads the list because it’s the most difficult plastic surgery procedure to learn and perform. More.

Breast reduction involves removing a lot of tissue; however, eyelid surgery is a surprise because it is supposed to be one of the easier procedures to perform. Breast enlargement made its way onto the list because it’s very popular, with 329,000 patients undergoing the procedure in 2007, the most recent year for which statistics exist. A tummy tuck involves a long incision across the abdomen so insurance companies should be thankful the percentage is relatively low. Ditto breast reconstruction.

Hint: If, for some reason, you aren’t satisfied with the outcome of your plastic surgery, two eminent Beverly Hills cosmetic plastic surgeons, Drs. Robert Kotler and Stuart Linder, tell the top five constructive things to do if your procedure does not go well.

Read their blog, Top 5 Remedies for Unsatisfying Plastic Surgery.

Nose Job Complication? Use Honey!

One of the possible complications of a rhinoplasty is a case of sinusitis. But there’s a, uh, sweet cure for it -- honey. Now, plastic surgeons must figure out the best way to spread the stuff inside your schnoz. (Read more about nose job complications.)


(Photo credit: sxc.hu/nkzs)

What’s more, honey in medicine is nothing new -- it has been used since the time of the ancient Egyptians as a natural anti-microbial dressing. Read more.

Back in present time, Canadian researchers, lead by Dr. Joseph G. Marsan at the University of Ottawa, used honey in the lab on the bacteria that cause sinusitis. The problem has always been that super-powerful germs hide inside the nose under a thick covering known as biofilms, which can’t be penetrated by “even the most power anti-microbials,” according to Dr. Marsan.

Plastic Surgery Procedures

Two certain types of honey, Manuka honey from New Zealand and Sidr honey from Yemen, are powerful enough to zap through the biofilm and kill the bacteria. (Read the whole report.)

So will plastic surgery procedures have fewer complications?

The next step: do you sniff, spread, inject, swallow, or hold the honey under your tongue to get it inside your snout? Don’t know yet. Hey, no worries, they’re working on it!

Mother’s Milk for Upscale Diners?

There’s a standard list of questions a patient should ask when considering any type of breast surgery.

But, given that some places are now offering expensive dishes that contain mother’s milk, here are some more appropriate questions to ask plastic surgeons before a breast procedure:

1. If I have a breast lift, will my milk still mix well in a Crème Brule sauce for braised tenderloin tips and asparagus?

2. If I go ahead with a breast enhancement, will surgery do anything to the milk to spoil the appeal of curry in a nice breast milk creamy sauce with tender bits of Rock Island lobster tails?

3. Will a breast reduction affect the formulation and consistency of breast milk used in Bosomberry milk ice cream?

Here’s how it all came about:

Swiss Restaurateur Hans Locher, head honcho of the restaurant Storchen (Little Stork in German) intended to serve a special soup and a recipe calling for antelope steak with mother’s milk sauce. Another dish consists of small chunks of meat, also in a creamy milk sauce.


Hans Locher with his favorite recipes.
(Swiss Info photo)

For supply, Hans lined up some new moms who were willing to sell breast milk for $14.50 a quart.

Gastronomes were, ah, udderly delighted. But the authorities declared that mother’s milk for the public is verboten. Read more about Hans.

On the other side of the globe, the Chinese were not to be outdone in tapping a seemingly heretofore unknown market and started offering fresh poached abalone and perch in a human breast milk sauce. More.


Poached abalone and Perch in a creamy sauce.
(BBC News photo.)

Said the restaurant owner: “When customers are having the human milk banquet, they can experience maternal love at the same time.”

In the United States, a California entrepreneur first used his wife’s breast milk to create the following cheeses:

• Holy’s Original Blend

• Mothers’ Milk Maid Cheese

• Miss Cheese.

Care to guess what the not-so-shy guy named his business? Hooterville Farms!

You can even email them and inquire about other products like YoGoGirls yougurt or his Chunky Mammal and Bosomberry ice creams, also containing, well, hey, you’ve got the picture now.

Just go to http://www.hootervillefarms.com and check it out.

Okay, you’re a wonderful sport for hanging in there, but you’ve been had! I went for it too and quickly saw that Hootervillefarms.com is actually a shameless link farm that has nothing at all to do with mother’s milk. (But an off-kilter article says it’s the real deal. Read it just for fun.)

Nonetheless, the rest of our report is true! Really!

It seems Hans started something. PETA read about his restaurant and is now asking Ben & Jerry’s to give up cow milk for human breast milk in their ice cream. (We’re NOT making this up….read more.)

Now, here’s the disclaimer part: kill joy health inspectors say you should not actually consume any real dishes containing human breast milk because nobody knows the health status of the donor.

Now that we took care of that chore, I would like to point out that a McGill University study of 14,000 children reveals that breastfeeding results in a higher I.Q.
Read more.

If it works for babies, won’t it also help adults?

Robot Surgery: Like Playing a Video Game!

Gamers, check it out!

You have the manual dexterity necessary to become a top surgeon! Using a robot, no less.

Says a top surgeon: “Using the da Vinci surgical robot is almost like paying a video game, like Play Station 3.” So declares Michael Hibner, M.D., director of gynecological surgery at St. Joseph’s Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix. Read more.



A game hip surgeon working a surgical robot.
(Arizona Republic photo)

Breast Augmentation

So hey, why continue in your present job when you can game all day? And help people, too. (Of course, you have to graduate from medical school but, hey, that’s only eight years or so.)

One surgeon already tried using a robot for breast augmentation but she says she could not get the results she wanted. More.

Dr. 90210 Plastic Surgeon as Artist?

Q: What type of plastic surgery starts with reading all the art books any art student must know?

A: High-definition LipoSculpture.

John Millard, M.D., one of the doctors seen on Dr. 90210, learned to combine art with medicine and sculpts not stone, but people.

So who needs it?

Fitness and iron pumping buffs who strain, toil and sweat for endless hours in the gym to create bulging muscles….that are hidden by just a little fat.

Most of us would be thrilled to look like the people in the doc’s before pictures. But people who have undergone high-definition liposuction look like a living Venus de Milo (with arms, of course!) or an Arnold Schwarzenegger in his heyday.

What does Dr. Millard do differently? He learned where the most arty places are on the human body and now uses his plastic surgery skills to allow those pumped up muscles to shine through in all their glory. Not to get too high brow here, but it’s a concept known as negative space. Read more about High-Definition Liposculpture and art concepts.

Before and After Plastic Surgery Photos

The before and after pictures below show a 43-year-old woman who works out in the gym five days a week.

Her after picture shows what a high-def LipoSculpture looks like when just the right amount of fat is taken from just the right places…exactly like you might find in an book for art students.


Before.


After

It works for guys, too. Pictured below is a 34-year-old firefighter who has been a body builder for about 15 years.


Before Hi-def LipoSculpture


After.

(Photos courtesy of John Millard, M.D.)

Plastic Surgery is a Star in Burn after Reading

Plastic surgery is often in the movies in Korea; in fact, rejuvenation surgery is a constant theme. (Read our blog about one Korean plastic surgery flick.)

Now, plastic surgery drives the wacky plot of the current highest grossing U.S. movie, Burn After Reading.


John Malkovich stars in Joel and Ethan Cohen’s dark spy comedy, BURN AFTER READING, a Focus Features release. (Photo credit: Focus Features)

The movie starts as Linda, an aging gym instructor (played by Frances McDormand) sees a plastic surgeon and finds her basic rejuvenation is going to require four, “major” procedures. (READ: equal to the annual gross national product of the Isle of Man, the Kingdom of Yap and the Isle of Dogs.)

She decides on a combined breast lift and breast augmentation; liposuction, and a face lift, including rhinoplasty.

Linda’s gym sidekick and fitness instructor, Chad, who is played by Brad Pitt, is a charming but totally self-possessed dolt and all-round airhead.

Because the movie is set in Washington, D.C., a former C.I.A. operative, Osborne, (played by John Malkovich,) has penned a tell-all book about the morons who run the nation’s spy agency. But Osborne loses the book -- written on a CD -- at the gym, aptly named Hardbodies.

Costs of Plastic Surgery

The action then gets a kick in the pants when Linda lays her hands on the tell-all book and assumes it’s real, classified intelligence worth the GNP of several large nations. She and Chad then concoct a dopey scheme to blackmail the author, collect a mountain of cash and pony up for the costs of plastic surgery.

The rest of the movie is a riot of confused identities, deadly pratfalls, mistaken shootings, bedroom intrigues and a handful of bodies that need hiding, along with some stark raving madness, aptly performed by George Clooney who plays Harry, a U.S. Marshal who repeats about 20 times daily that he never fired his gun in 20 years on the job.

Before and After Plastic Surgery Pictures

The movie ends with a C.I.A. big-wig trying to figure out how it all happened, where to hide the bodies, how much payoff cash to allow, and what, if anything, the agency is supposed to have learned from the zaniness.

You’re probably wondering how Linda looks in her before and after plastic surgery pictures. But we are sworn never to give away the endings!

Plastic Surgery Stops Bullies in their Tracks!

When I was in grade school, no self-respecting kid would tolerate a bully, the weakest, whiniest and most puny kids not withstanding.

We weren’t tough guys; it’s just that any boy over the age of oh, 18 months, would get far worse when his dad found out his kid had succumbed to bullies and forked over his lunch money, baseball cap, pocket knife, the family IRA or whatever.

The standing rule was: face up to bullies and fight back, even if there were dozens trying to shake you down.

I think the Father’s Instruction Book had a chapter about one punch on a bully’s nose stopping the lot of them. The one exception about fighting back: if you were in an iron lung, wheelchair or in traction, your punching ability was somewhat restricted, making it understood you might miss the bully’s nose. But you had to fight back. According to The Father’s Instruction Book, there was no shame in fighting back and losing.

But in reality, I never did come across a bully who was put off by one -- or even one dozen -- punches in the nose. I think they became bullies in the first place because they were born without pain receptors. So logic for nine-year-old bullies was simple: “Hey, we can’t feel pain. Let’s just pick on people! So what if they hit us back?”


Your lunch money or your life!
(iynmeyer photo)

However, all of that was before plastic surgery stopped the assaults. In England, a new way of dealing with the problem is by rejuvenating the body parts bullies like to taunt other youngsters about.

Some British surgeons are giving children and teens surgical rejuvenation so that bullies won’t be picking on odd-looking features or making punch-deserving jokes about large noses or ears or small breasts. (Read more.)

(Disclaimer: kids’ lunch money may still be up for grabs, even after plastic surgery!)

Rhinoplasty

*Mr. Douglas McGeorge, head of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS,) recently revealed he had reshaped the nose of one youngster and supplied breast implants for others to stop teasing and bullying. For instance, one younger teen was picked on and bullied at three separate schools, because of an unattractive nose. Her parents were about ready to go “case-o” -- British slang for “going bonkers” -- before hitting on the idea of ponying up 3,500 Pounds (that’s $6121.50 U.S. dollars) for
rhinoplasty. Her parents say the problem was solved.

Breast Implants

Because some bullied teens are still growing, the thoughtful doc has put in expandable breast implants, which help to gradually expand the bosom. (Read about how expandable breast implants work.) Additionally, a nine-year-old in Scotland begged his parents for surgery to rid his face of a mole because school bullies called him “Moley” and beat him up after school because of his appearance. (More about mole removal.)

But the trend is not news. Back in 2006, it was reported that Britain’s National Health Service was springing for cosmetic plastic surgery for bullied youngsters in Scotland. (More.)

What do you think? Will plastic surgery stop U.S. bullies? Or, should we concentrate on pain receptor transplants for bullies?

*In the British Isles, M.D.’s are known as “Mr.”

Artist Rakes in Money with Tattoos on Swine and People

A leading service among plastic surgeons is tattoo removal. It’s known as “labor intensive” because the patients must return to the plastic surgeon anywhere from two to six times and let the doc do erasing work with a laser.

Basically, the cosmetic surgeon zaps the ink in the tat with a laser. (Read more about cosmetic tattoo removal.)

But when a tattoo is considered art -- and fetches a king’s ransom -- you gotta think about leaving it on.

Wim Delvoye, a Belgian artist living in Beijing, China, started by tattooing eight pigs with designs reportedly similar to Louis Vuitton logos. (Animal lovers, chill! The porkers, shown below, were anesthetized!) A few swine were inked with Walt Disney characters.


Artist Wim Delvoye and his four-footed canvases
(Ananova.com photo)

After the oinkers have lived a long and productive life, the pig skins will be sold for $120,000 each. (Can you imagine -- a Louis Vuitton football? What a way to get more chicks into the NFL! Can’t you just hear the girl talk now? “They fumbled a Vuitton Beaubourg in the first quarter and then tried an on-side kick with a Mahina XXL clutch in the 4th!”)
(Read more about the tattooed pigs.)

Tattoo Removal

The following will make tattoo removal experts worldwide cringe, but Wim’s latest project was inking an elaborate tat of the Virgin Mary on the back of Tim Steiner, a 32-year-old Swiss man who is cashing in on his tattoo.

Here’s how: Wim did his usual masterful job and sold the artwork on Tim’s back to a German art collector for a cool $275,000. The cash is split among the art gallery that arranged the sale, Wim and Tim. More.


Tim Steiner, a two-legged canvas
(Paolo Foschini photo)

Then, not unlike the pigs, Tim hopefully goes on living a long and productive life. Now, I know what you’re thinking and that’s not it -- Tim does not -- repeat, NOT -- become a football!!

Plastic Surgeons Verboten

Instead, many decades from now, just before Tim is laid down for a dirt nap, the skin of his back is removed and the Virgin Mary tat becomes the sole property of the art dealer who can sell it if he wishes.

And that’s not all. Contractually, Tim must display his back in public three times yearly to art lovers worldwide.

However, plastic surgeons who know how to remove tattoos are verboten in the shows!

Plastic Surgery for Pooches

Yearly, some appearance-challenged canine is named top dog in the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, California. (Read more.)

Gus, a Chinese Crested, won for 2008 even though he has had a rough row to hoe in life. He has lost one leg to disease, one eye in a cat fight, a handful of teeth due to chewing on countless bones, and a furry coat due to heredity; after all, he is a hairless Chinese crested dog. Gus was simply born to be as ugly as a mud fence.

Nonetheless, his owners think Gus, pictured below, is precious.


Gus relaxing at home
(iStock photo)

2007’s winner was even more revolting. Also a Chinese Crested, Elwood, pictured below, won that year, perhaps because he is even more crested and has even less hair than Gus. You have to admit that when it comes to looks, Elwood is also just a real dog.


Elwood, 2007’s Top Ugly Dog
(Canada News Photo)

A Plastic Surgeon for Dogs

Anyhow, there’s somebody we would like Gus and Elwood to meet -- Brazilian doctor Vet Elgado Brito, a big proponent of pet plastic surgery.

To the Brazilian way of thinking, if you make people beautiful, hey, why not make their “animal companions” beautiful, too? Works for me! (As long as the creature is house broken; there’s no way that beauty alone makes up for, well, you’ve got the picture by now.)

Botox and Breast Augmentations

Dr. Brito has used Botox to straighten inverted doggy eyelashes so that Fido’s eyeball is not irritated. Among other cosmetic surgery, the South America doc has even performed canine breast augmentation by tightening mammillae of female dogs before beauty contests so that the dogs could take part in the type of contests in which good looks -- and not vile features -- are judged. (Read more about Dr. Brito.)


The owners of this Sharpei wanted Botox
to remove the dog’s wrinkles
but could not afford 1,500 vials of Botox.
(iStock.xchng photo)

But if you look closely enough, others are making unsightly animals more attractive, too.

Rhinoplasty and Eyelid lifts

The Animal Medical Center of Southern California requires a medical reason for cosmetic treatments on animals; nonetheless, the work often results in an eyelift, facelift, rhinoplasty or abdominoplasty, a procedure we Homo Sapiens fondly call a “tummy tuck.” However, liposuction is out, partly because dogs don’t mind being fat.

If your “animal companion” is a Pug, Bulldog or a Boston terrier, breeds in which breathing problems are common, the mutt may be eligible for rhinoplasty. Sharpeis and Chows often have a congenital defect that make their eyelids roll inwards, causing the eye winkers to rub the eye, perhaps resulting in scratches. The solution? A canine style eyelid lift.

Lip Augmentation

And there is the heart-warming case of Feznick, a 75-pound gray kangaroo who lives at a farm for Hollywood animal actors. Feznick was bitten on the face by his neighbor, a wolf and fellow actor when he, Feznick, poked his snout into the next cage. That left the ‘Roo with a snarling lip and totally unsuitable for his close-ups. So, back in 2006, a vet named Dr. Wolff (really!) repaired Feznick’s lip with a little cosmetic surgery described much like the human procedure, “except with a lot more hair.” (Read more.)


This Kangaroo isn’t Feznick (we could not afford
his picture!) but another Kangaroo who is available
for movies and commercials. (His day job is being an
attraction at a petting zoo.)

Doctor, Are You a Gamer?

You read it here first!

Last April, we told you about a study of 33 doctors that showed video gamers make good surgeons, plastic surgeons included. It’s because of all the hand-eye coordination that develops.

On the heels of that study comes yet another, this time of 303 laparoscopic surgeons. The testers (doctors, not gamers) recommend that patients ask an important question before any operation:

“Doc, are you a gamer?”


This is not a shooting or driving game but a laparoscopic surgeon
hard at work operating on the patient across the room. The doc tells
where his surgical tools are -- and what they are doing -- by watching
the screen in front of him.
(Archives of Surgery photo)

Here’s how it all came about: Douglas Gentile, Ph.D., a psychologist at Iowa State University, and Dr. James Rosser, chief of minimally invasive surgery at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, compared surgeons who play video games to those who do not. Results? Gaming docs rule!

“The most important predictor of surgical skills is how often surgeons played video games in the past and how much they currently play,” says Dr. Gentile. “So the first query you should make to your surgeon is how many times he or she has done the operation you are going to have. The next question should be ‘Are you a gamer?’” Read more.

Tattoos on Face = “I Really Like it Here!”

You’ve heard the expression about wearing your feelings on your sleeve, right?

Sam Bloomfield, 58, who was born on the island nation of Tonga, takes the old saying to the next level. He wears his feelings about his adopted country on his face…..in bold tattoos, below.


Sam Bloomfield
(Seattle Post-Intelligencer photo)

But it wasn’t always that way.

After Sam arrived in the U.S. in 1976, he found things in the U.S. so much to his liking, he painted his house red, white, and blue. Next, came a blue shingled roof. Then, flags and patriotic streamers seemed to sprout everywhere from his house.

After all that, where else but body art could a guy go, billboards notwithstanding? So Sam found a tattoo artist and told him to get busy. The artist did just that, amassing a bill of $1,500 for patriotic tats.

Currently, Sam’s skin includes somewhere around 100 pieces of skin markings, including the banners of 20 nations. He even bears on his back a yellow “Support Our Troops” tag.

Laser Surgery

But the day may come when Sam returns to Tonga or one of those 20 other nations and wants to be a bit more demur about his love for any one particular nation. If it does come to tattoo removal, Sam will spend a lot more than $1,500 removing the tats. Considering that one average tattoo requires two to five visits to remove, it would appear Sam would be in for somewhere between 200 to 500 visits to a dermatologist or plastic surgeon. The gross national product of Tonga would about cover the charges.

If you ever want to remove some of your own tattoos, here are three questions to ask a dermatologist or laser surgeon.

Top 10 Most Outrageous Uses for Botox

All the world loves Botox, the ubiquitous wrinkle remover. But like the discovery of electricity or the Internet, people keep finding unusual -- and sometimes, off-the-wall -- uses for it.

Here’s our take on the top 10:

1. Writer’s Cramp


(nazerth photo)

Given the Internet, I don’t know who uses a pen, pencil, or clay tablet and stylus. Anyhow, the researchers managed to find 40 people suffering writer’s cramp (or maybe holding their forks too tightly) and test Botox.

And, yes, Botox can relieve the painful muscle contractions of the fingers, hand, or arm brought on by arduously applied graphomotor representation. (That’s science-speak for handwriting.) Read more.

2. Bladder Control

No, it’s not about drinking all the coffee you want on a long road trip. Some people have injuries that make it hard to recognize a full bladder. Here’s why:

Damaged muscles can send signals to the bladder at the worst of times -- like when you’re in a job interview, giving your Nobel Prize acceptance speech, during a courtroom trial, or whatever. Those errant messages cause the muscles to squeeze without warning. And although you really don’t have to go, the next thing you know, you’ve already gone.

Solution: shots of Botox to the bladder. More. (I’ve got a question for the doctors already: How long is the needle that places the Botox into the bladder muscles? And how does it get there?)

3. Sweaty Armpits


(LilGoldWmn photo)

Now here’s a no-brainer: The surgical procedure to cure overly sweaty armpits -- or, axillary hyperhidrosis, as your doctor might call it -- is no fun. Basically, the doc liposuctions some, or all, of the underarm sweat glands.

Or, you can just opt for some Botox injections every few months to paralyze the same muscles. Although nobody will see you literally sweat, the normal fear factors remain active so your heart races, you’ll have butterflies in your stomach, your eyes dart around and your brain probably goes blank at exactly the wrong time, too. But at least you will not drip with perspiration. Read more about Botox in the armpits.

4. Sweaty Palms



What could be worse than shaking hands with somebody and sensing you are gripping a clammy, warm washcloth? While there are no surgical options for removing sweat glands in the palms, Botox again works nicely to dry things out here as well. (Remember, we make up nothing, here.) More.

5. Sagging Breasts

Being a connoisseur of all things plastic surgery, you have already read everything known to humankind about breast augmentation. But if you or your partner do not want any sharp instruments near milady’s bosom, haul out the Botox.

The technique may not be ready for prime time, but several doctors are offering breast enhancement via Botox. Unfortunately, it wears off after a couple of months, returning those, ah, augmented areas to their pre-Botox state. Read more.


6. Facial Scars


Six-year-old child with four-year-old
dog bite scar on right cheek after three
scar reduction procedures.
(Ben Lee, M.D., photo)

Been to war or in a lot of fist fights? Divorced, maybe? If so, you may be interested in knowing how Botox can lessen facial scars.

Researchers at the Mayo (no, it does not refer to mayonnaise!) Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, tested Botox on 31 patients with facial scars.

Half received the real deal while the other half received injections of salt water as a placebo. Plastic surgeons then rated the wounds’ appearance on a one to 10 scale, where a one would equal Frankenstein and Christian Bale would get a 10. Read more.

Results? The Botox group scored 8.9 compared to the saline group which only scored 7.1. I would personally go with salt water -- it’s almost as effective and a heck of a lot cheaper. But that’s just me.

The researchers actually want the more expensive brand, the Botox, applied to scars when they are first created. Now, that’s okay for surgery but if you go to war, get in fights or slug it out in divorce court, what are you supposed to do? Carry emergency vials of Botox?

7. Lifting Aging Eyebrows


(brbankston photo)

When eyebrows have been around awhile and start to droop, they can make their owner look older and angrier, although the person may be thinking the most gentle of thoughts. Normally, fallen eyebrows require the skills of a cosmetic surgery procedure to look vigorous again.

But Corey Maas, M.D., an associate professor and chief of the division of facial plastic surgery at the University of California, San Francisco, lead a study that revealed drooping eyebrows can be treated with Botox.

Of course, there’s never a free lunch.

“With surgery, eyebrows can be lifted for 10 to 20 years,” says Dr. Maas. “But Botox results in sagging eyebrows that can last three to six months.” Read more.

8. Voice Tremors

Imagine this: you are trying to explain to a judge why you sped through a stop sign. Or your boss wants to know why you took the day off because you thought Halloween was a holiday. Maybe your wife wants an explanation about how your secretary’s lipstick and perfume got on your white shirt.

In all those stressed situations, your voice tends to shake and quiver. And rightfully so! You’ve been busted! How do you talk your way clear of these messes? Well, it helps a lot if whatever you say is in a voice that is clear, steady and without shaking.

You better really need the help because it requires an injection of Botox into the vocal cords. Read more about the testing.

9. Rejuvenate Sagging Necks


Surgical correction of a sagging neck.
(Robert Kotler, M.D. photo)

Usually, a sagging neck needs surgical attention. (Read more about the surgical fix for necks.) But some surgeons are using Botox to reduce the lines, rings and turkey gobbler necks. Read more.


10. Removing Wrinkles from Shar-pei Dogs


A Shar-pei puppy. Massive wrinkles at only 8 weeks! Is life unfair or what?
(beverlytaz photo)


Of course, it’s only done in the most posh regions of the nation, like Beverly Hills, Manhattan, and Miami Beach.

But many owners of Chinese Shar-pei dogs, like the one shown above, take their purebred canines to special Botox canine clinics where the dogs receive sufficient amounts of the wrinkle removers to get a completely smooth, unfurrowed coat.

I mean, it makes sense! Why would a wealthy 70-year-old who looks 40 want a dog with massive wrinkles? And is it fair that a creature under one year of age should suffer severe wrinkling long before his or her time?

(Okay, you’re not buying this; well, we did wing that last one, but the other nine are 100 percent true. Honest!)

NEXT: Plastic Surgery Games You Can Play Online.

Plastic Surgery Poll

Which is NOT the Real Plastic Surgery Procedure?

Of the procedures listed below, five are real and one is bogus. Leave your answers in the comment box below. Test Your Plastic Surgery Knowledge!

(1) “Bird Poop” Facial

A high-end New York City spa has come up with a way to rejuvenate delicate facial skin -- and without painful surgery. You’ve probably heard that sales pitch before, but master aesthetician Shizuka Bernstein is offering the Geisha Facial.

The concoction is made from several Japanese ingredients, held together with heavy doses of Nightingale droppings. (In Japan, it’s an ancient, time-honored ingredient known as “Uguisu no Fun.”) The treatment is being referred to as the “Bird Poop” Facial by the few who have actually had it smeared, er, that is, I mean applied and the thousands who stand by -- at a distance -- and watch in amazement.

(2) Breast Implants for the Lips

For years, surgeons have implanted empty breast implants in the chests of bosom-challenged women and then filled them with saline after the devices were securely nested inside the patient’s chest. Then, the implants were filled to a size that fits the patient’s frame, bone structure and wishes.

So why not do the same thing to make lips larger and more luscious?

Surgeons can now implant a tiny little saline bag in the lips and, then working through equally tiny filler tubes, fill the implants with just enough saline to make those smackers truly kissable.

(3) Water Jet Liposuction

You would have to travel to Thailand, but a new way to remove fat from those stubborn pockets of flab is blasting it away with powerful jets of water. One of the chief benefits is that no heat is produced inside the body, according to the owners of the SP Clinic in Bangkok, Thailand. Just think of the device as an internal Water Pik for liposuction.

(4) ScarArt Hides Surgical Scars

Have a tummy tuck scar that runs across your lower stomach or perhaps a scar left from a C-Section, but still want to look sharp in a bikini? A new temporary tattoo, designed by a woman for other women, allows you to slap on a waterproof, smear-proof, and extremely colorful tat to hide that pesky scar. It lasts three days.

(5) Robotic Breast Augmentation

It doesn’t have anything to do with a clanking, whirring automaton doing surgery on its own. But, it’s possible for a surgeon sitting at a console to perform breast enhancement by giving instructions to extremely slim robotic hands.

The chief benefit is that the robot has the steadiest “hands” known and works through extremely tiny openings in the patient’s skin.

(6) The “Earlobe Job”

While almost every other part of the human body can have its drooping, sagging or shriveling parts rejuvenated, medical science has somehow missed the earlobes.

The problem? After decades of supporting dangling, swaying earrings that usually weigh a little less than a VW, aging earlobes become stretched and can sway and flop around like the ears on a blood hound. What woman wants earlobes sitting on her shoulders? Totally ruins the effect of a spaghetti strap dress!

Solution? Lobe Pumping. Just a syringe full of a facial filler like Restylane does the job for the short haul.

Of course, Restylane wears off in about nine months. For really severe cases, patients should see their plastic surgeon about surgical earlobe reduction.

Which is NOT the Real Plastic Surgery Procedure?

…Check back soon to see if you know which plastic surgery procedure is false!

Docs Study Tattoos - And Who Hates 'em

A Texas researcher surveyed 196 people who went to dermatologic clinics for tattoo removal. Results? People who want their tats removed are more likely to be women than men. They want the skin markings removed because others make nasty cracks about the tattoos, which were jeered in some (READ: high paying) work locations.

The 66 men and 130 women from the survey first got the tattoos at age 20 because:

• 44 percent wanted to feel unique
• 33 percent wanted to show independence
• 28 percent wanted some life experience to stand out
• 21 percent wanted to mark a special occasion like a birthday, marriage or their newly found independence.

A tattoo with a breast implant. It was later removed.
(photo by Lane Jensen)

The researchers next asked the subjects why they wanted the tattoos taken off between ages 24 and 39.

Here’s what they said:

• 57 percent were embarrassed
• 38 percent said it lowered their body image
• 37 percent cited problems with clothes revealing the tattoo
• 25 percent felt singled out

(Note: totals do not equal 100 because some study respondents marked multiple reasons.)

Read more about the study.

Top 10 Plastic Surgery Discounts
If you are interested in the costs of plastic surgery but concerned about spending too much, check out an article that has plastic surgeons telling how to wheedle a discount from your plastic surgeon.

Discounts are available on the family and group plan, during slow seasons, if one patient has multiple procedures, if you pay by check or in cash and if you are willing to wait to have surgery on a stand-by basis. More.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s Missing Mole

It’s not as exciting, say, as the “Did Hillary Clinton may have plastic surgery?” debate, but mole removal is a huge topic among devotees of plastic surgery. The Internet is searched thousands of times daily for practitioners who know their way around laser mole removal, along with the other removal techniques.

So when Sarah Jessica Parker, star of “Sex and the City,” had that BB-size mole taken off her chin. The only real question is: why now?

New York Observer writer Rex Reed once observed: “That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of ‘Sex and the City,’ it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark.” More.


Sarah Jessica Parker’s mole, left, and after its removal.
(Zuma Press.com/AP photo)

Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

While we are featuring June brides, undying love, and weddings, we could not help but notice the following headline:

Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

Well, okay, you’re hearing a lot right now about June brides because, well, it’s June!

And we blog about it here because everybody who gets married or falls in love wants to look good for the object of their affection and often take advantage of rejuvenation surgery.

But love, and those ensuing nuptials, can take many forms.

Moreover, it’s not always a guy and a gal that marry. For instance, you may be reading a lot about gay and lesbian marriages becoming legal in California. And some people afflicted with a strange new obsession known as objectophilia, become fascinated over, fall in love with, and even marry inanimate objects.

Like Eija-Riitta Elkoef-Mauer, a Swedish woman who first visited the Berlin Wall in 1979. She legally changed her name to “Berliner-Mauer” (German for “Berlin Wall”) after visiting six times and then declaring herself legally wedded to the concrete and barbed wire structure. And, yes, she was just crushed (no, not literally) when the wall came tumbling down. Read more.


Berlin Wall before its (his?) nuptials.
(Stefan photo)

On her website, the bereft Eija explains: “My husband’s job was to divide East and West Berlin. He’s retired now.”

Meanwhile, a woman in Germany whom Spiegel Magazine will only identify as Sandy K., claims to have fallen in love with New York City’s World Trade Center Twin Towers when she was eight years old. (Why is it distant things are often so-o-o-o- much more attractive?) And Sandy, too, felt let down on 9-11. She didn’t even have a chance to get engaged.


The former World Trade Center in the background in New York City
(New York Tourist Authority photo)

The Canvas blogger observes a plot line about objectophilia was used in T.V’s Boston Legal when one of the lawyers mentioned he had a client who had been in love with an electricity switch box. And one blogger Storyteller mentions a woman who was so attracted to a new ‘fridge that she wanted to get intimate with it. (If you have any technical questions about that, please hesitate to ask. I can’t figure it out either.)

Despite a dearth of weddings, objectophilia is probably a real phenomenon because there is even a movie, Lars and the Real Girl, about a lonely but sensitive man who falls head over heels for a mail-order, inflatable doll.

Well, love may conquer all but it sure won’t provide plastic surgery for that love interest! Hey, she’s already plastic! Besides, she doesn’t heal well. There’s also a priest in the movie who often smiles indulgently at the 27-year-old who totes around the plastic love doll. But we won’t give away the surprise ending!


Lars and his significant, inflatable, other. A more attractive match
than with the Berlin Wall, huh?
(Amazon.com photo)

We were curious if maybe these people get their noses fixed to look better to their significant others? Then again, the ‘fridge (or wall, building or electric box) doesn’t care if your nose is long or short. As far as I can tell, those items don’t care about anything.

But hey, this obsession is really not so strange, after all. If you see the motion picture version of Sex and the City, you’ll find four seemingly sane professional women who have raised footwear to the level of passionate desire. And what about Imelda Marcos? Didn’t she have something like 97 zillion pairs of shoes?


(Squidonius photo)

Next: Top 10 Weird Uses for Botox

June Weddings: Plastic Surgery’s Time to Shine

Liposuction and Breast Augmentation for Brides!
Facial Plastic Surgery for Mothers of the Brides!



Who is this woman and why is she pictured here?

Okay, we have joked around a lot, pulled your leg a little and brought you a ton of off-the-wall items about plastic and cosmetic surgery.

But now we bring you something that remains very much on-the-wall, as well as a serious matter to the 2.2 million* weddings that will take place in 2008: it is the…hold for trumpets sounding in the background... June wedding!

Plastic Surgery

Many wedding planners are recommending adding into the already astronomical budget for the nuptials an allowance for plastic surgery procedures, even if it’s only a vial or two of Botox. The average U.S. wedding now costs $28,000* and that’s before any surgical rejuvenations.

But don’t take my word for it. Read more about how plastic surgery has become as huge of an issue as…the wedding dress?

Back to the woman pictured above. She is Lynn Plante. Official title: Mother of the Bride. She and thousands like her are so feared and respected that even tough Mafia dons quake in their patent leathers. Woe betide he or she who crosses the Mother of the Bride and the planning of The Wedding!

Lynn is actually a brave, brave woman because she is undergoing four plastic surgery procedures so that she can look her best in her daughter’s wedding pictures which will be taken on July 18, 2008. Providing everything goes according to plan, that is. (READ: Nobody gets cold feet!)

Like General Eisenhower, who planned and oversaw the D-Day invasion, any Mother of the Bride oversees and plans an operation equally as complex. No wonder she looks worried!

The Cost of Plastic Surgery

Here’s another tidbit that tells you what a remarkable woman Lynn is: Over many years, Lynn has saved just a little from each paycheck to put toward the cost of plastic surgery, just so she can look her best at the wedding. After all, wedding pictures are handed down for generations, you know.

Anyhow, we’ll follow Lynn and the approaching Big Day while bringing you up to date on her continually improving appearance. Lynn only admits to being “in her late 50s,” so we will see how her appearance improves. Will she look 40ish in the wedding pictures? Refreshed? Rested? Younger than the Bride, maybe?


Emily Cannon on The Big Day
(Photo, Courtesy of Emily Cannon)

Read how a plastic surgeon saved the day when Emily Cannon’s breast augmentation came undone – resulting in a condition often referred to as a “uniboob” – just before her wedding.

Meanwhile: here’s my favorite wedding toast from the last (and I do mean last!) time I got married:

“Here’s to the Bride, Here’s to the Groom, Here’s to the Mother-in-law!
Let’s just hope there’s never a need for an attorney-at-law!”

--Old Irish Wedding Toast

And my favorite advice about weddings comes from actor Mickey Rooney, who walked down the aisle eight times:

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day!”


*Statistics, courtesy of The Wedding Report, Inc.

Top 10 Most Outrageous Plastic Surgery Items

In any new industry, many novelty items are developed early, and quickly put into use by adoring fans and then go the way of the Dodo bird.

For instance, cars once had little ovens attached to their exhaust manifolds for cooking while you travel. When steam powered cars were popular, just after the turn of the 19th century, one thoughtful auto maker installed a steam-powered organ as a pricey option in the backseat.

But, alas, roadside restaurants came into vogue, eliminating the need for cooking while driving and car radios made any type of traveling musical instrument unneeded.

You can find the same trend taking place in rejuvenation surgery worldwide.

So, if you don’t look quick, these top 10 plastic surgery novelty items may be gone before you know it:

1. Breast Massage Robot

(Inventorspot.com illustration.)

Its purpose doesn’t seem real clear, but this machine from China purports to automatically massage the breasts of the person sitting in it. One of its supposed uses is to relieve the post-op pain associated with breast augmentation.

2.Cool Mask

(Aqueduct Medical photo)

Sure, you could do the job with a bag of frozen peas flopped on rejuvenated eyelids or a freshly lifted mid-face, but it’s much cooler -- both stylistically and thermally -- to circulate cold water through a high-tech device to remove any surgical sting. Besides that, what’s wrong with going incognito? Do you want everybody to know about your surgery? The incognito thing apparently worked well for Zorro and the “Phantom of the Opera”; let’s just hope bank robbers don’t start using them!

3.Patented Baldness Technique

(Inventorspot.com illustration)

Another invention registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office lays claim to the technique we now know as the “combover” to conceal baldness. Sure, you could call it The Donald Trump, but that name is also trademarked and copyright protected. And woe betide he or she who misuses that moniker! The Donald would hire you just for the pleasure of firing you!

4.Traveling Hair Scrap Book

(Academy of Natural Sciences photo)

While we’re on the topic of hair, one thing every school child has always wanted to see: 200-year-old locks of hair from the first 12 U.S. presidents. Those snippets were taken long before anybody ever thought of hair restoration or, apparently, hair dye. For instance, George Washington’s sample is brown-gray, while Thomas Jefferson’s locks are reddish-gray. Titles weren’t exactly nailed down yet either. The second U.S. president was known as “His Excellency, John Adams.” Monroe, John Quincy Adams, and Jackson were also “His Excellencies.”

5.Roll CIT device

(Des Fernandes, M.D. photo)

If you perceive this to be a shrunken model of the lawn device that rolls across your grass to create drainage holes, you’ve got the concept. But this gizmo is approved for home use; you just roll this across your face as it is slathered with some vitamin A and other minerals. The Roll CIT (“Collagen Induction Therapy”) apparently replaces the need for chemical peels, dermabrasion or laser ablation. The device makes hundreds of tiny needle holes to allow fresh collagen to flow to the surface, thereby removing sun damages, fine lines, wrinkles, acne scars, and other facial marring.

6.Vacuum Pump Breast Augmentation

(Daily Mirror photo)

Above, notice we’ve carefully airbrushed the model’s actual, ah, mammary glands to make this fit for family viewing. The vacuum device -- basically two plastic domes connected to a suction machine --- claims it can replace surgical breast enlargement. But you had better have some time on your hands. Apparently, all m’lady has to do is wear it for 10 hours a day for 10 weeks. Presto! A/B cups morph into C/D cups, sans knife, surgeon, recovery period, or great expense. And not to worry! It’s all connected to a micro computer that won’t make you too large. The system is advertised in Britain at 790 pounds, which amounts to $1,539 U.S. smackers. Read more.

7.Lip Pumper

Not only Hans and Franz from the old Saturday Night Live “vanted to pump you up.” Yet another plastic surgery device -- pictured above -- claims it can pump up your actual kissers. And you don’t have to use it for 10 hours a day to get lip augmentation!

8.Breast Implants for Tattoos

(Remember, we are not making this up.) But the leading technique of getting real curves for his tattoo of a woman, turned out to be -- no pun intended -- a bust. Seems a non-surgeon put the tiny implants under the tattoo but left behind some nasty superbugs that created a raging infection. Plus, one of the implants, not having much wiggle room, broke under the skin. Result? More infection! Kinda makes you think Dodo birds have not really gone away.

9.The Plastic Surgery Freeway

The Beverly Hills Freeway has been built to ease and speed the flow of traffic in and through Beverly Hills (the world Mecca of Plastic Surgery.) So, while you’re zipping along at 70 mph, you can easily see the names of some of the city’s favorite off-ramps, like “Tummy Tuck Drive” and “Liposuction Place.” Most people just call it the Plastic Surgery Freeway.

Okay, thanks for bearing with us but you’ve been had! (It’s really a picture of a refrigerator magnet.) While everything else here is 100 percent true, we did make this one up. However, do you think it’s possible that someday we might build a Plastic Surgery Freeways in other hot spots like Miami, Manhattan, Brazil, Korea, Nashville, and Columbus, Ohio?

10.Plastic Surgery Glue

Why go see a plastic surgeon when you can just pick up some droopy or wrinkled skin and glue it in back in place? (Is this for real?) And, hey, don’t you just love that it works to the last drop? I always get so miffed when that final drop of anything lets go!

Top Medical News of the World

Dementia in the Family? Get a Tummy Tuck!

Now, nobody ever said the way to prevent a case of Alzheimer’s later on in life is to rush out and get a tummy tuck . But it might improve the odds of keeping all, well okay, most of your marbles as an old timer.

Here’s how scientists found that belly fat can put bats in your belfry:

Kaiser Permanente in Northern California studied 6,583 of its patients and measured their stomachs between 1964 and 1973 when the study group was 40 to 45 years old.

Three decades later, the researchers went back and measured the same subjects’:

• Waist sizes
• Dementia rates

(SXC Photo)

Results? People with large bellies were 2.6 times more likely to develop dementia than people with a normal waist size. And the news got worse as study group stomachs grew larger. Obese study subjects with really large bellies -- on the order of a Santa Claus belly -- were 3.6 times more like to go bonkers as an old person.

Conclusion? Other than dieting and regular, hard exercise (whew! I get exhausted just thinking about it!). The only other way to cut down on belly fat seems to be via a tummy tuck (“abdominoplasty”).

Actually, most guys would consider the procedure if it were known as a “gut tuck” or maybe a “gut check.” There’s just something too delicate about the word “tummy.” Can you imagine anybody referring to the “beer gut” as a “beer tummy?” I should say not! It takes many years of dedicated, hard work to create a beer gut!

Obesity and Bad Breath

The bad news for overweight people never seems to end.

If being driven crazy by a little flab isn’t bad enough, Israeli researchers have found that obesity can cause bad breath, too. It’s sorta the same old story: take a group of people, study them and compare who’s got what. In this case, a study of 88 people found that the most overweight also suffered complaints about stinky breath! Nobody seems to know why yet. Maybe a tummy tuck fixes the bad breath thing, too! Read more.

Sleepy? Get a Nose Job!

Daytime sleepiness is a huge problem. Just check out living rooms at 9 in the evening and count the number of snoozers in front of a blaring T.V. Lack of z’s has also been blamed on a number of disasters from Three Mile Island to the Exxon Valdez oil spill to a massive failing of freshman English every year at most colleges and universities. (Well, okay, the colleges and universities, I attended, anyhow!)


(SXC photo)

Researchers in Taiwan studied 51 patients with symptoms of daytime sleepiness. The researchers accessed the patients a month before and three months after surgery. They found a significant drop in the rates of daytime sleepiness and blocked nasal airways.

Attention wives! Here’s the really good news: Most of the subjects also quit snoring!

One of the first things a plastic surgeon will do if you go in for a nose job will be to check on how well you breathe through your nose. Read more about sleepiness and having a nasal surgery.